I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
