today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
