My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
