we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Even my vagina gasped.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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