On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
