you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
