she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
