4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
