I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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