I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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