Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
