No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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