Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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