Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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