You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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