i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
