its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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