Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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