FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
