I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
