Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize