I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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