Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
