it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
