Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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