I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am naked and annoyed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
