the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
