I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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