my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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