I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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