The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
