girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
