When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nicole vs. Life
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
