i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize