i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
