I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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