Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
