Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize