I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
