I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
