Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
