This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
