Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
