went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You can't just leave with hair like that
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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