I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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