if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
