So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize