It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
