Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
