She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
