so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
