you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
