it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
