haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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