i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you traded sex for a burrito?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
