Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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