I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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