okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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