my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
