I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize