I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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