Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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