I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize