somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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