How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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