note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
