I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
