this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
