how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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