I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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