apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
