She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
why is half of my head shaved?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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