There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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