Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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