Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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