Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
