I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
