Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
