i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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